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The audience was one of the toughest in the business – a group of the theatre’s own cleaning staff.

Hearing their guffaws, he booked the show for a week.

Built on the little-used UMA standard, the service shipped on a couple of specially Wi-Fi-equipped mid-range featurephones and was promptly forgotten.

UMA stands for "Unlicensed Mobile Access," and describes any method of taking a voice or data connection and sending it over an "unlicensed" internet connection (anything that's not the carrier's own network) straight into the carrier's nerve center, where it's switched into the regular phone network.

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